BREAKING NEWS:
In what started as a plea to friends, family, sponsors and the public to forgive him for his recent misdeeds, Tiger Woods exposed a part of himself that even his PR team could not have predicted. While reading a carefully-drafted written statement, Tiger Woods unintentionally revealed to us all that his laundry list of unthinkable behavior was caused by his inability to feel true human emotions because he is truly a Cyborg, built in a NIKE laboraratory to be really fucking good at Golf, while remaining totally detached from the rest of humanity
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